What a time to be alive! Pulling the double on Citeh? Keeping pace for Top-4? Europa success? FA Cup? Come on!
I swear DdG read my post praising him because except for that one glaring mistake against Everton, he’s been on fire lately. Things are on the up and up as we’ve put together a slick-rick-string of victories and OGS is up for Manager of the Month.
Alright, back to reality as I crush your summer transfer dreams.
For the friend I paid $3.50 to read my post about middies (and mom), remember when I mentioned we were linked with 45 middies in January? Guess how many forwards were linked to us. 45. Wait until I regale you with some of those “targets,” you’re going to think it was 2015. In part four of this five-part series, we’re covering very early predictions of what wingers are coming in and who will hit the road come July.
You know the drill. We’re keeping it real here and with realistic expectations. If you want garbage rumors, go here.
According to their main position held throughout the season, we have two wingers in our current squad: DJ and JLINGZ. For the sake of discussion, we’ll throw Gomes, Chongy, and Alexis into the mix.
**Tony’s not going anywhere, so no need to deep dive into that one*** I’ll leave you with this as proof.
What a “big d**k move” by OGS to not only nix JLINGZ and AP from our match against Watford, but to have called them out in his pressers. If that was not enough of a death sentence towards Lingard’s time with United, rumors are now speculating that United will try and sell the pair in the summer.
I truly do feel for Jesse and so badly wanted to see him succeed. But his rapid decline is clear as a bottle of Evian water (official water sponsor of United?) but still shocking given he was on the England World Cup squad less than two years ago. How rapid was the decline? In ‘17/’18, he scored 13 goals and had 7 assists in all competitions while making 39 total appearances. This type of production made him the World Cup threat we were all chomping at the bit to see for years to come. We “liked” and “retweeted” that photo of him as a tot running around in a United kit. But my how the mighty have fallen.
There’s no way he starts ahead of Tony on the left anymore, or at least in meaningful matches. My prediction is that JLINGZ is sold to a lower tier Premier League squad or even to a Championship team. Luckily, JLINGZ thinks very highly of himself as one of Europe’s top no. 10s…
This obviously is a pipe dream, but how beautiful of a dream it seems. A dream that we are all having and no one wants to wake up.
It would be a massive step forward for us to offload Alexis and a drastic drop for whatever poor schlep of a club took him. Sanchez is on stupid money even while at Milan. Outside of Ed, the only person that thought Sanchez would be a success at United was my wife and that’s because she loves his dogs. That’s the kind of marketability Alexis brings to the club.
There have been rumors that OGS wants to give him another chance at United following his loan spell, but let’s call a spade a spade. Sanchez is busted up and will never be the player he once was with Chile and Arsenal.
Sit Down, You’re Going Nowhere
This kid deserves all of the praise and playing time that he has earned this season. He’s caught some slack from fans lately for not producing many goals after bursting onto the scene at the start of the season, but can we all take a breather? He’s still young and his game continues to develop under the right tutelage. Furthermore, do you remember where he was last season? Swansea. He’ll continue to improve, so calm down.
I feel like I have written a lot about Angel recently to the point that it’s bizarre he doesn’t have a nickname yet. Let’s work on that. Hell, we may have to if the rumors are true that he will sign a contract extension. This constant back and fourth with Gomes and Chongy is causing me to suffer from hearing voices in my head, constantly contradicting myself/ourselves by predicting they’re leaving…no wait…staying. Gomes was rumored to be on the outs as recent as last week, the same week that United posted a bio video about Gomes.
Gomes, stay if you want. But perform up to the level that we expect from you.
Some of you may be thinking, “what in the damn hell!? Conor, you flip flop more than a pancake on the griddle! You predicted earlier that he’s leaving!” You’re right, but I also predicted in January that Coronavirus would be treated and nonexistent after one month of terrifying the entire globe yet here we are. Nobody is perfect.
Turns out, Chongy’s sticking around after Monday’s official announcement. I think there’s more promise in Chongy than in Gomes, but it seems that OGS wants to keep this youth around.
You’re Going to Like the Way You Look in Red, I Guarantee It
Per OGS, he wants three signings and I’m sure the “experts” are chomping at the bit to get some click bait. I mean, for Pete & Pete’s sake (ode to classic Nickelodeon) four of those were former fan favorites such as Wazza, Ibra, Memphis, and Zaha. That’s just lazy reporting and I do not mean to single out ESPNFC here, it was everyone! Luckily, one of the 113 names linked to us in January is our Nigerian Prince, Odion Ighalo.
With the first pick in the “Conor’s Garbage Predictions,” we select….
Jadon Sancho (RW | Dortmund)
Did you feel that gust of down-to-your-bones chilling wind? It was the swarm of additional readers clamoring for my garbage thoughts and the titillating notion of that we are getting Sancho. Don’t get me wrong as I would love to get Sancho and I think we have a chance, but there are a lot of factors in play that need to go right.
A player of Sancho’s caliber at his age does not come around often – except for Haaland, but we’ll get there. Thus, Sancho will feel the need to be in the Champions League spotlight going up against the big boys and not in Europa against Lask.
We have all seen on the socials that Sancho is chummy with Beans and that helps. But is it enough for him to lure him to Old Trafford? Maybe if we continue to sell United as Brexit F.C. and Sancho sees himself playing for both club and country with Beans, Deano, Slab Head, Spider, Meat Pie, and the rest of our premier English talent then this may just work.
We already won here because Sancho is not represented by the human-being equivalent to a garbage bag full of human feces, skid-marked whitey tighties, previously used contraception rubbers, and diapers full of an Indian food explosion -AKA Mino Raiola. Sancho is currently represented by Elite Project Group Limited.
Ed, we’re asking you to simply do your job here. Get Sancho and Beans on all of our official sponsor products. Maybe even a little Lego version of Sancho?
Main Man (or tag-team duo)
Sancho is putting in work with Dortmund this year, even with the new flavor of the week Haaland grabbing the headlines for his crazy form during the Champions League. I’m not saying that Sancho has the same personality as some d-bag named Pogba, but for someone of his caliber at his age, Sancho may feel like he needs to be the main man at United. Maybe Sancho will be completely comfortable being part of a tag-team duo with Bean and/or Greeny. Time may tell.
There is no need to provide Sancho’s stat line, but we will. He’s crushing it to the tune of 14 goals and 15 assists as of March 9. We all know what he’s capable of. As it stands, it’s a matter of convincing him that his partnership with Beans and co. will be legendary and reminiscent of what United’s youth looked like in the late ’90’s into the ’00’s. Transfermarkt values Sancho at €120m, but rumors have speculated that it will cost upwards of € 150m to get him into our squad.
Rodrygo (RW | Real Madrid)
It’s not that far fetched to envision Rodrygo in red as it seems that we have Real on speed dial over the summer window, albeit there seems to be a disconnect between our fax machines. Rodrygo seems to be the next big thing at Real at the age of 19 as he’s been lighting it up in the Champions League with 4 goals and 2 assists in 4 matches. If Sancho doesn’t work out, I could see Rodrygo satisfying our desperate need for RW. One caveat, I predict that the only way Rodrygo comes to United is if he’s part of a deal sending Pogba to Real. Transfermarkt values Rodrygo at €50m.
Diogo Jota (LW | Wolverhampton)
Tony has the left nailed down, so we are most likely not signing a LW over the summer. However, Jota could provide us with amazing depth and options beyond Tony for our UEFA, FA Cup, and League Cup matches. The crazy thing about Jota is that he’s only been in Wolves’ starting XI in 72% of their Premier League matches but he’s produced 6 goals and 1 assist in league play. Again, slim chance we sign a LW with Tony and James holding down the fort, but Jota is worth considering. Transfermarkt values Jota at €35.
We’re signing a winger, it is going to happen. The question is who comes in to replace JLINGZ (fingers crossed). From my assessment, it seems appropriate that we replace JLINGZ with a fellow Englishman by the name of Jadon Sancho, but time will tell.
I purpose a challenge to you all, tell me your thoughts. Is there someone on this list you disagree with? Do you have another winger in mind that is more impressive or likely to join United? Let me know! Hit me up at @Conor_Marrsta.