A Lamentation To Roman Abramovich

Why, oh soccer gods, have you forsaken me? Today is perhaps one of the saddest days in history. It did not feel normal when I first woke up, nor will I feel ok when I go to sleep tonight. My rock-like, sturdy belief system is shaken. I no longer have a solid footing to brace myself, nor the high ground to protect me from assailants. I simply do not know where to go from here.

In the early hours of the EST time zone, I awoke to an alert from my shiny new iPhone (thanks for the stimmy Donny T). The ping had a deeper, more lamenting tone to it than normal. Half-asleep, I unlocked my phone and read the notification, which came from Twitter. I couldn’t believe my eyes. From the one true soccer prophet himself, Fabrizio Romano, I learned that Frank “Super Frank” Lampard had been sacked as manager of Chelsea Football Club.

Why Oh Why Roman?

Why do bad things happen to good people? I don’t understand Roman, Frank is supposed to be the chosen one! He was supposed to be the Messiah, far greater than the “Gym Teacher” over at Manchester United. Unlike Ole, Frank had a plan. Buy overrated and unproven international talent and cobble together a team than can wreck havoc in the middle of the table! How could it go wrong? Lampard was right on course for a perfect 8th place finish this season and challenge for a Europa League spot! He did nothing wrong, it’s a shame Abramovich did not give him the full year.

Probably how Lampard got Sacked

He Did Everything He could

Frank Lampard did wonderfully with what he had. Many forget Lampard had the impossible task of building a strong team with only 250 million pounds this summer. How can you expect to buy high rated players with chump change like that?! Lampard is the idyllic manager! He consistently supported his players in post match pressers and recruited top talents that are totally ready for the League. It’s really a shame the wrath of a Russian Billionaire has come for the Promised One.

In summation, I am deeply angered and saddened that the Russian crook (who most definitely uses blood money to fund his club*) fired his manager. The greatest English manager ever was sacked after only 18 months! The horror!! I know for sure I will be pouring one out and having a dark ale in memoriam of Super Frank lol.0

🇮🇪 on Twitter: "Fat Frank Lampard: A Very Big Thread… "
RIP Fat Frank Lampard photoshops (2019-2021)

*This is 100% alleged. Please don’t kill me, I’m only an internet troll.

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About JR 31 Articles
A glimpse inside the mind of an over-reactionary, over-invested, and highly-sarcastic American Red Devil. P.S. I'm not here to argue.

1 Comment

  1. Lampard is the only reason I don’t hate Chelsea with every fabric of my being (ok maybe Drogba & zola too). At least with Lamps gone I can enjoy their mediocrity that much more!

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